The Peacemaker
By Ken Sande
Part 1: Glorify God – How can I please and honour God in this situation?
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” 1 Cor 10:31.
When we’re hurt our first reaction is to lash out and hurt back, justify ourselves, do anything to get our way. What God wants us to do is to remember what Christ did for us, draw on His strength and respond to conflict more wisely.
Ch 1: Conflict Provides Opportunity
· Opportunity to solve problems in way that honours God and benefits all involved
o Escape responses – used to avoid conflict
§ Denial – pretend problem doesn’t exist, refuse to do what needs to be done
§ Flight – run away, leave friendship, quit job, divorce, change church, etc.. Postpones problem. (Sometimes good to get away for a bit to pray or get help, eg. physical/sexual abuse)
§ Suicide – lost all hope of resolving problem or a cry for help
o Attack responses – more interested in winning a conflict then preserving relationship
§ Assault – force/intimidation like verbal attacks (gossip, slander), physical violence, or try damage person financially or professionally.
§ Litigation – take to court, witness for God usually severely damaged
§ Murder – desperate to win dispute. Also includes anger/contempt in our hearts
· Can move from one side to the other, usually start with escape and then move to attack when know we can’t escape
o Peacemaking responses – commanded by God, empowered by the gospel, directed toward finding just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict (p. 25)
§ Personal Peacemaking
· Overlook an offense – for insignificant disputes, a form of forgiveness with deliberate decision not to talk about, dwell on or let problem grow into bitterness or anger
· Reconciliation – if problem too serious need to reconcile through confession, loving correction and forgiveness
· Negotiation – bargaining process to deal with material issues
§ Assisted Peacemaking
· Mediation – take one or two others along to help communicate better and explore solutions
· Arbitration – when can’t come to agreement, appoint another to hear both sides and make a binding decision to settle problem
· Accountability – when Christians refuse to be reconciled, church leaders need to intervene to hold them accountable to Scripture and promote repentance, justice and forgiveness (Matt 18:17). Done lovingly, redemptively and restoratively can be key to saving relationships.
· Biblical View of Conflict
o Conflict – a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires
o Primary causes of conflict – misunderstandings due to poor communication; difference in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions; competition over resources, eg. time/money; sinful attitudes and habits
o Conflict not necessarily bad – promotes uniqueness: seek UNITY, not UNIFORMITY
o Use conflict as opportunity to
§ Glorify God
§ Serve others
§ Grow to be like Christ
o Glorify God
§ Trust Him to give you grace to depend on Him, follow His ways even if they are completely opposite to what you feel like doing (Prov 3:5-7); that He has forgiven your sins, depend on His care always, know that He wants to display His sanctifying power in your life and will help you do things you could never do by yourself, eg. forgive someone who has hurt you deeply
§ Obey Him without compromise b/c His ways are absolutely good, wise, dependable; our obedience shows He is worthy of our deepest love and devotion.
§ Imitate God by living out the gospel in our lives, mirroring Jesus’ humility, mercy, forgiveness, and loving correction thus surprising the world and giving real evidence that God is actually here with us on this earth.
§ Acknowledge God by giving Him the credit when you respond to conflict in unusual and effective ways; breathe grace on others by telling them that it is God working in you to do things you could never do on your own; God doesn’t look at results He looks at faith.
o Serve Others
§ Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28)
§ God may use a conflict so that you might help your opponent with other problems in their life; help others learn where they have been wrong and need to change
§ Conflict may provide opportunities to encourage others to trust in Jesus by teaching and encouraging them through your example
o Grow to be like Christ
§ God’s highest purpose is not to make us comfortable, wealthy or happy, but His plan is to conform us to the likeness of His Son
§ May use conflict to expose sinful attitudes and habits in our lives
§ Learn to draw on His grace and practice new attitudes and habits
§ Conflict will stretch and challenge
· Adversity Builds Character – focus on growing through conflict
· 4 G’s of Peacemaking
o Glorify God – How can I please and honour God in this situation?
o Get the log out of your own eye – How can I show Jesus’ work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict?
o Gently restore – How can I lovingly serve others by helping them take responsibility for their contribution to this conflict?
o Go and be reconciled – How can I demonstrate the forgiveness of God and encourage a reasonable solution to this conflict?
· Stewarding Conflict
o Unique emphasis of conflict management
o Conflict is a God given opportunity of management, empowered us through the gospel and entrusted us with abilities and spiritual resources:
§ Motivation to respond to conflict constructively
§ Information from the Bible - clear and reliable guidance on how to deal with every aspect of life
§ Strength – we are not alone when stewarding conflict, God gives us the Holy Spirit to understand His Will, provide us with spiritual gifts, grace and strength to respond to conflict in a way that brings honour to Christ and builds up His church
§ Dependence – conflict may push us beyond our limits so God has given us His church to find spiritually mature Christians to encourage, give sound Biblical advice and support our efforts to be faithful to God
§ Faithfulness – dependent obedience, whether we seek His strength, guidance, remembered the freedom and power we have through the gospel, obeyed His commands and wisely used the resources He has given us
· An essential part of our Christian witness
· We are commanded to love even when it is the last thing in the world we feel like doing (Lk 6:27-28)
· We can’t love and worship God properly if we are at odds with another peson and have not done everything in our power to be reconciled.
The Enemy of Peace
· Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Pet 5:8b)
· Devil uses greed & dishonesty; deceives and misleads us; takes advantage of unresolved anger; uses false teachers to push his values and philosophies: Look out for number !, God helps those who help themselves.
· Don’t blame satan for all your mistakes, take responsibility for own sins and encourage others to do the same
Strive like a Gladiator
· See Ephesians, esp Eph 4:1-3
· Unity does not mean uniformity
· Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit with unwholesome talk, bitterness, rage, etc. (Eph 4:29-31)
· Token efforts will not satisfy God’s command
Lawsuits among Believers
· 1 Cor 6:1-8
· Church must fulfil its responsibilities to help its members resolve legal issues out of court
· Litigation usually increases tensions and often destroys relationships
· By using the gospel, church can actively encourage forgiveness and promote reconciliation, thus preserving valuable relationships
Resolving disputes through the church preserves our witness for Christ.
Ch. 2: Live at Peace
If it possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Rom 12:18
The three dimensions of Peace
· Peace with God
o We deserve to be eternally separated from God but “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16.
o Believing in Jesus means, admitting that we are sinners and acknowledge that there is no way we can earn God’s approval by our works
o Believing in Jesus means believing that Jesus paid the full penalty for our sins when He died on the cross.
· Peace with Others
o Jesus’ sacrifice opened way for us to enjoy peace with other ppl: Love your neighbour as your self
· Peace within Yourself
o Internal peace is sense of wholeness, contentment, tranquility, order, rest, and security given to us through Jesus, only from being reconciled to God through Jesus
Jesus’ reputation depends on Unity· An essential part of our Christian witness
· We are commanded to love even when it is the last thing in the world we feel like doing (Lk 6:27-28)
· We can’t love and worship God properly if we are at odds with another peson and have not done everything in our power to be reconciled.
The Enemy of Peace
· Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Pet 5:8b)
· Devil uses greed & dishonesty; deceives and misleads us; takes advantage of unresolved anger; uses false teachers to push his values and philosophies: Look out for number !, God helps those who help themselves.
· Don’t blame satan for all your mistakes, take responsibility for own sins and encourage others to do the same
Strive like a Gladiator
· See Ephesians, esp Eph 4:1-3
· Unity does not mean uniformity
· Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit with unwholesome talk, bitterness, rage, etc. (Eph 4:29-31)
· Token efforts will not satisfy God’s command
Lawsuits among Believers
· 1 Cor 6:1-8
· Church must fulfil its responsibilities to help its members resolve legal issues out of court
· Litigation usually increases tensions and often destroys relationships
· By using the gospel, church can actively encourage forgiveness and promote reconciliation, thus preserving valuable relationships
Resolving disputes through the church preserves our witness for Christ.
