Attachment Therapy
All humans have a unique and innate drive to attach to another person who works as a compass or attachment point around which they revolve. 3 types:
Secure attachment - Children who are securely attached generally become visibly upset when their caregivers leave, and are happy when their parents return. As adults, those who are securely attached tend to have trusting, long-term relationships. Other key characteristics of securely attached individuals include having a healthy knowledge of themselves, enjoy intimate relationships, seek out social support, and an ability to share feelings with other people. Ambivalent/Anxious attachment – these children will become overly distressed when a parent leaves, but do not seem reassured or comforted by the return of the parent.
As adults, they often feel reluctant about becoming close to others and worry that their partner does not reciprocate their feelings. This leads to frequent breakups, often because the relationship feels cold and distant. These individuals feel especially distraught after the end of a relationship.
Avoidant Attachment - Children with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid parents and caregivers. As adults, they tend to have difficulty with intimacy and close relationships. These individuals do not invest much emotion in relationships and experience little distress when a relationship ends. Other common characteristics include a failure to support partners during stressful times and an inability to share feelings, thoughts and emotions with partners.
Working with clients through an attachment based relationship, those to whom the client is attached can help support them as they work through their defendedness due to protecting themselves. To help focus journalling and healing the following SOG plan may be used:
SOG plan
Self-aware: How am I feeling and acting? More specifically …
- What am I feeling?
(Typical answers: competitive, irritated, insecure, envious, embarrassed,
defensive, frustrated, fearful, angry, hopeless)
- Why do I feel this way?
(I failed at something. Didn’t get what I want. Fear I’ll lose something.
Someone criticized me. Tried to control me. Betrayed me.)
- What am I inclined to do?
(Assume I know more than others. Clam up. Speak too much or too
forcefully. Accuse or justify. Press others to see things my way.)
- What will I do instead?
(Listen patiently. Seek to understand. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Speak
gently and graciously.)
Other-aware: How am I affecting others? More specifically …
- What do others seem to be
feeling? (Note their words, body language, tone of voice)
- What do others seem to
need? Want? Fear?
- How am I impacting
others? (Am I confusing, irritating, frustrating, hurting, judging,
manipulating, or punishing them?)
- Is this really the best
time to talk, counsel, or correct?
- How can I serve others?
Look out for their interests?
- How can I demonstrate
genuine love and forgiveness?
God-aware: How is God involved? More specifically …
- Who is God? What is he
like?
- What could he be up to in
this situation?
- Am I acting in faith or
unbelief? Do I trust in him or myself?
- What difference does the
gospel make?
- How can I pray? What
Scriptures can guide me?
- How can I show that I love, trust, and obey God above all things?
Emotion Focused Therapy
Particularly helpful for couple therapy this theory draws attention to the crucial significance of emotion and emotional communication in the organization of patterns or interaction and key defining experiences in close relationships. It also focuses on emotion as a powerful and often necessary agent of change, rather than as simply part of the problem of marital distress.
Biblical Peacemaking
Underlying the above therapies is Biblical Peacemaking which keys in on 4 concepts: Glorifying God is a deep calling and desire to bring honour to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. As we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teachings into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centred decisions that cause many of our problems, and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the gospel in our lives. Therefore we have to see, especially at exceptionally difficult times, that here is an opportunity to grow, to solve problems in a way that honours God and offers benefits to all involved.
Get the log out of your eye. This is helping the client take a clear and honest look at their brokenness in a calm and quiet way. We have to help them check their attitude: God-centred or me-centred?
Gently restore which is done by speaking the truth in love. This is communication at its most constructive and includes three elements: bringing hope through the gospel, active listening and using wise words.
Go and be reconciled includes becoming reconciled with God, others or within ourselves. Forgiveness is crucial in this. We have to understand and believe that we are the most forgiven people in the world. Think about how, and how much, God has forgiven us and be prepared to extend that forgiveness to others and ourselves.
