2 Fighter Verses this week:

 Ps 91:14-16 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my Name.  He will call upon me, and I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him.  With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."  Wow, what a promise, but what comes first my love for God or His love for me?

1 Pet 4:16 However if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.  Sometimes that feels so hard to do when we are suffering.  Goes back to the above in realizing that we can't praise Him out of ourselves but it is always God working in us that makes us turn to Him.

Fighter Verse this week: Ps 91:9-10

 "If you make the most High your dwelling -- even the LORD, who is my refuge -- then no harm will come near your tent."

 Sounds so simple doesn't it?  Can I really trust this is true?

Fighter Verse for the week: Ps 91:7, 8

 "A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.  You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked."
Wow what a promise.  At times the fear of thousands is so very real I have a hard time remembering this.  The fear of man can be so paralyzing but thankfully God continually reminds me that He is bigger than any man/person.  He is the Almighty and He is my Father.  Thank you LORD!

Ps 91:5-6 Fighter Verse

 "You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday."  When I put these verses with the preceding verses I can really see how God's faithfulness is my shield and rampart against these terrible things.  We had 2 great sermons yesterday showing how God moves us to love Him and obey Him.  Awesome when we start to realize that we don't have to do anything.  It is His love for us that makes us able and willing to respond to Him.  Thank you LORD!!

Ps 91:3-4 Fighter Verse this week

"Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."
The more ways we see how God gives us armour the more we realize who He is and how He cares for us.  The eagle image (I believe it is an eagle) is really compelling when you study up on eagles and see how they teach their young to fly by keeping in the updraft under their wings.  Tara Barthel also has a great image of being under a bird's wing, kinda hot and stuffy, not always comfortable but definitely SAFE.

Ps 91:1,2 Fighter verse this week

 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the LORD, 'He is my fortress, my God in whom I trust.'"  What a statement of faith, knowing that even God's shadow is mightier and safer than anywhere else.

Prov 18:10 Fighter Verse

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."<br />
I have been trying to memorize the Fighter Verses for 2012 and being fairly successful.&nbsp; I am finding that I have more armour in my Christian Tool Box to help me through the week.&nbsp; There is always something in the verses chosen that speak to me and I'm sure each person is able to find what encourages them in their circumstances.<br />
Maybe we can share our thoughts, via this blogspot, what encourag Ped you in the verses.<br />
For me this week's verse really helps remind me that God has given us a wonderful Kevlar vest to wear every day, when we look to His Word and use it in our daily life.&nbsp; The LORD truly is our compass point to whom we can go for direction, safety and refuge.&nbsp; He will protect us.&nbsp; Last week's text 1 Pet 5:6-11 was very eye opening.<br />
How do these verses hit you?

Peacemaker Ministries

Another giveaway of peacemaking materials going on over at Tara Barthel's website. Join in by Sunday for your chance to win some great books/DVDs! http://bit.ly/MP7dZG

Building Intimacy with a Spouse Who Has Different Interests than Yours

Building Intimacy with a Spouse Who Has Different Interests than Yours

An Objective Third Party (reprinted with permission)

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." 2 Timothy 3:16

It is often helpful to refer to the Bible as a source of objective truth when you have a disagreement with another Christian.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 180.

Food for Thought

Every disagreement needs an objective voice.

Here's a saying you may have heard: There are two sides to every story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. That's definitely a step in the right direction, but it stops short of being truly wise because it leaves "the middle" undefined. Is "the middle" a combination of what side A and side B are proposing? Is "the middle" the input of a family member, friend, or co-worker? That all still sounds very subjective; what a disagreement needs is something objective.

Ken reminds us that when disagreements arise between Christians, "the middle" needs to be the Bible, God's Word, the source of objective truth. God's Word is a lamp so our stubborn feet can find the way again to peace. It's a light so our eyes filled with anger or pride can truly see what's going on. (Remember... Scripture has as much to say to YOU as it does to the other person.) The Bible is that two-edged sword which cuts through our defenses and reveals the motives of the heart. Those God-breathed words train us to be much more than right; they train us to be righteous. The next time you have a disagreement with another Christian brother or sister, don't just put anything in the middle. Put God's Word in the middle.

Peacemaking Q&A (reprinted with permission)

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24

If you learn that someone has something against you, God wants you to take the initiative in seeking peace -- even if you do not believe you have done anything wrong.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 148.

Food for Thought

Q: What if I had no idea that I had offended Jim?

A: If you had no idea, then you're not responsible. But if you learn or overhear or even get a vague sense that things aren't quite right between you and Jim, then you are responsible.

Q: So I'm responsible to do what? Talk with Jim? Confront him? What?

A: We must remember that taking the initiative always has a goal -- seeking peace. Peacemaking may begin with conversation and progress to confrontation. Then again, it may involve extending kind words or clarifying hurt feelings. There are many different facets, but the gem is called making peace. And the first step is to "go."

Q: But what if I haven't done anything wrong to Jim? To take the initiative seems so counter-intuitive.

A: It's all a matter of obedience. The heart of the matter is not, "Were you right or wrong?" but "Will you be obedient?" God asks you to take the initiative in seeking peace. In this way, you are imitating God himself, who took the initiative to seek peace with you. Yes, it may feel counter-intuitive, but the ways that seem right to us oftentimes lead to death. God's ways lead to life. It's not just because He said so. It's because He loves us so.

The Other Great Commission (reprinted with permission)

If you learn that someone has something against you, God wants you to take the initiative in seeking peace--even if you do not believe you have done anything wrong. If you believe that another person's complaints against you are unfounded or that the misunderstanding is entirely the other person's fault, you may naturally conclude that you have no responsibility to take the initiative in restoring peace. This is a common conclusion, but it is false, for it is contrary to Jesus' specific teaching in Matthew 5:23-24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

"Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 148.

Food for Thought

Do you recall the "Great Commission?" This was Jesus' command to his disciples in Matthew 28:18-20 to "Go and make disciples of all nations."

Think about Matthew 5:23-24 as "The Other Great Commission"-- and it may be even more challenging for us to fulfill. Going to reconcile with someone who has a complaint about us involves humility ("Why should I go to them if they're the one who's upset?"), empathy (attempting to see the situation from someone else's perspective), and obedience (we go because Jesus commands us, not because we want to or even because we feel that reconciliation is possible). Are there any people in your life to whom you need to "go" today in order to reconcile? Maybe there is a long-standing feud between you and a family member or former friend that God is inviting you to begin to address today through this reminder.

A Faith That Forgiveness Requires (reprinted with permission)

Above all else, remember that true forgiveness depends on God's grace. If you try to forgive others on your own, you are in for a long and frustrating battle. But if you ask God to change your heart and you continually rely on his grace, you can forgive even the most painful offenses. God's grace was powerfully displayed in the life of Corrie ten Boom, who had been imprisoned with her family by the Nazis for giving aid to Jews early in World War II. Her elderly father and beloved sister, Betsie, died as a result of the brutal treatment they received in prison. God sustained Corrie through her time in a concentration camp, and after the war she traveled throughout the world, testifying to God's love. Here is what she wrote about a remarkable encounter in Germany:

It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there--the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face.

He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. "How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein," he said. "To think that, as you say, he has washed my sins away!"

His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendall about the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? "Lord Jesus," I prayed, "forgive me and help me to forgive him."

I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. "Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness."

As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

So I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on him. When he tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 217-218.

Food for Thought

Why do we agonize over whether we ourselves will be able to forgive those who have sinned against us? Our forgiveness is a pale substitute of what is needed. Instead, what is necessary is just this: that we allow Christ's forgiveness of us--the forgiveness that flows through us and brings life to us--to flow outward from us to reach the others in our lives who, like us, are equally undeserving of his mercy. For "it does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." (Rom. 9:16).

Promises For You (reprinted with permission)

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12

I once heard a joke that described a frequent failure in forgiving. A woman went to her pastor for advice on improving her marriage. When the pastor asked what her greatest complaint was, she replied, "Every time we get into a fight, my husband gets historical." When her pastor said, "You must mean hysterical," she responded, "I mean exactly what I said; he keeps a mental record of everything I've done wrong, and whenever he's mad, I get a history lesson!"

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 207.

Food for Thought

Take a moment today to remember the Four Promises of Forgiveness:
1. I will not dwell on this incident.
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
3. I will not talk to others about this incident.
4. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

Then take a moment to remember something else: This is the way God forgives you. It's natural for us to read the Four Promises of Forgiveness as another set of laws to which we're presently failing to live up; however, the gospel reminds us that they should be read first and foremost as God's commitment to us because of the sacrifice of his son. That commitment says that he will never "get historical" in bringing up sins for which we have been forgiven!

Is there an area in life where you feel condemned even though you've genuinely repented before God? Take a moment to hear God speaking the Four Promises of Forgiveness to you with regard to that particular issue. As you read them again, try adding your name to the beginning of each promise as a reminder that God speaks them personally to you. Remember Romans 8:1 applies to you, not just other Christians: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

When you accept this and apply it to your own life, prepare to be pleasantly surprised how much easier it will become to apply the Four Promises of Forgiveness to others who have hurt you.

Ssshhhhh! (reprinted with permission)

He who answers before listening -- that is his folly and his shame.---Proverbs 18:13

Waiting patiently while others talk is a key listening skill. Without this skill, you will often fail to understand the root cause of a conflict, and you may complicate matters with inappropriate reactions.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 166.

Food for Thought

How often are you thinking about what you're going to say while the other person is finishing what they're saying?

This is a hard one, right? But a little bit of discipline can go a long way in the listening department. One suggestion Ken makes is learning to be comfortable with silence. For example, the next time you jump in your car to go somewhere, resist the urge to turn on the radio. Roll down the window (unless it's winter!) and drive in silence. Whether it's two blocks or twenty-seven miles, drive in silence.

Silence… it's not the absence of sound, but the absence of noise. Take the noise away and you'll be amazed at what you can hear. It might be the song of mockingbirds. Or maybe the heart of a significant matter.

Please Break This Rule (reprinted with permission)

When our wrongs are too obvious to ignore, we practice what I call the 40/60 Rule. It goes something like this: "Well, I know I'm not perfect, and I admit I am partially to blame for this problem. I'd say that about 40 percent of the fault is mine. That means 60 percent of the fault is hers. Since she is 20 percent more to blame than I am, she should be the one to ask for forgiveness." I never actually say or think these exact words, but I often catch myself resorting to this tactic in subtle ways. By believing that my sins have been more than cancelled by another's sins, I can divert attention from myself and avoid repentance and confession.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 120.

Food for Thought

Jesus tells the perfect "40/60 Rule" story in Luke 18:10-14. In this passage, Luke says that Jesus addresses the story to those "who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else." This is the story:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Next time you're tempted to invoke the 40/60 Rule to minimize your part in a conflict, remember that few subjects raise more disdain in Jesus than moderated mercy or a "righteousness ranking" where we give ourselves an unequivocal first place vote.

Oh, Be Careful Little Mouth (reprinted with permission)

"Even a fool is thought wise…and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:28

Reckless words, spoken hastily and without thinking, inflame many conflicts. "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Prov. 12:18; cf. Prov. 13:3; 17:28; 21:23; 29:20). Although we may seldom set out deliberately to hurt others with our words, sometimes we do not make much of an effort not to hurt others. We simply say what comes to mind without thinking about the consequences. In the process, we may hurt and offend others, which only aggravates conflict.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 121

Food for Thought

What have you said recently without thinking?

The word "reckless" usually conjures up images of someone driving a car with no concern for the people around them. A reckless driver can cause havoc on the highway, putting his or her life, as well as the lives of others, in harm's way. If we spot someone driving recklessly, we usually grab our cell phones and alert the police. But what about someone speaking recklessly?

Simply saying what comes to mind can be looked upon as being authentic and honest. People admire the plain-speak quality and often promote folks who can do it. But it can also be looked upon as not thinking, or reckless. The lives of the one speaking and those hearing then are caught in harm's way. And if you're caught in harm's way, the result is usually some kind of harm. Oh, be careful little mouth what you say.

A Picture of Trust (reprinted with permission)

"Therefore we do not lose heart." 2 Cor. 4:16

Trusting God proved to be the pattern in Paul's life. Even when the Lord did not immediately relieve his sufferings, Paul continued to view everything that happened to him as God's sovereign will (2 Cor. 4:17-18). This doesn't mean that Paul never had doubts or that he never asked God to relieve his suffering (2 Cor. 12:7-8). But when the Lord's response did not match Paul's request, he was willing to believe that God had something better in mind (vv. 9-10).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 67

Food for Thought

Think of the last time the Lord's response did not match your request.

What does trusting God look like? Ken reminds us that it doesn't mean wearing a painted on smile when troubles come and practicing the art of denial when doubts arise. Those verses in 2 Cor. 12 show the apostle Paul "pleading" for God to take the thorn in his flesh away. So, then what does trusting God look like? "But when the Lord's response did not match Paul's request, he was"--what's that next word? That's right--"willing."

Trusting looks like a willingness to believe in God's goodness toward us in the middle of pleadings and tears and sufferings and doubts and questions. Trusting is choosing to believe that God desires the best for us, his children. That's not always easy, but as Paul would attest, it's always worth it!

At Least As Good As Before (reprinted with permission)

Being reconciled does not mean that the person who offended you must now become your closest friend. What it means is that your relationship will be at least as good as it was before the offense occurred. Once that happens, an even better relationship may develop. As God helps you and the other person work through your differences, you may discover a growing respect and appreciation for each other. Moreover, you may uncover common interests and goals that will add a deeper and richer dimension to your friendship.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 219

Food for Thought

When a relationship has been seriously damaged because one person violated another's trust or deeply hurt the other person, how can that relationship be made "at least as good as it was before?"

The first step is to note that biblical reconciliation is not an effort by both parties to "make things exactly as they were before." Clearly, things can never be the same again. However, for Christians, while the relationship will indeed be different on the other side of the offense, it can, by God's grace, be "at least as good"--if not better.

While the repentance of the offending party is key in the reconciliation process, much of the "difference that makes better" does not come from the offending party's repentance at all; in fact, it cannot. To look to the offending party for the fullness of reconciliation can only lead to grossly failed expectations at best and idolatry at worst (as we look for a person to do something that only God can do). Arguably, the most important move in reconciliation is when the offended party moves more deeply toward God and the cross of Christ.

When we, as offended parties, move toward the cross, our view of ourselves changes. Instead of seeing ourselves primarily as offended parties, we come to see ourselves as ones who have offended infinitely but been forgiven infinitely. Out of this identity, we find the resources to imitate God by offering rich and lavish forgiveness to those whose repentance (like ours to God) is weak, feeble, and woefully inadequate.

Universal Idols (reprinted with permission)

"Dear children, keep yourselves from idols." 1 John 5:21

Most of us think of an idol as a statue of wood, stone, or metal worshiped by pagan people. But the concept of idolatry is much broader and far more personal than that. An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure. In biblical terms, it is something other than God that we set our heart on ... in short, it is something we love and pursue more than God (see Phil. 3:19).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 104

Food for Thought

????

When was the last time you heard a pull-out-the-stops sermon on idols? How about a straight-up-tell-it-like-it-is book on personal idols? What about a conversation over coffee that kinda-sorta-talked about idols? Maybe every once in a while, but for the most part, we don't like to talk about idols. As Ken reminds us, they are always something very personal.

The Food For Thought line above usually has a question of some sort to prompt reflection. This time it has nothing but question marks -- four to be exact. Allow those four question marks to raise this question, "What are four things, besides God, that your heart is set on?" In other words, take time and identify four idols in your life. Not your spouse's life, or your co-worker's, or your neighbor's. Your life. Your idols. What are you depending on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure?

Evil Has A Name (reprinted with permission)

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

Satan prefers that we do not recognize his role in our conflicts. As long as we see other people as our only adversaries and focus our attacks on them, we will give no thought to guarding against our most dangerous enemy. Both James and Peter were aware of this danger, and they warn us to actively resist Satan's schemes (James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:9). Paul gives a similar warning, reminding us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph. 6:12).

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 50-51

Food for Thought

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight."-- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

Who is your most dangerous enemy?

Think about it for a moment. What would you say? Odds are that among both non-Christians and Christians, most of us would answer in terms of flesh and blood; in other words, someone or some group of people. But as Ken reminds us, that's just not the case. Three scriptural authors -- Peter, James and Paul -- all echo the reality that our most dangerous enemy in this life is Satan.

There is an enemy out there and we're basically oblivious to his schemes - we're asleep at the wheel. We just keep on blaming each one another, a.k.a., flesh and blood, for everything that's going on. Ken says it well: Satan prefers that we do not recognize his role in our conflicts.

If we have any intention of living as peacemakers, it's imperative that we live with an awareness of our most dangerous enemy. Now it is true that most of our struggle comes through flesh and blood, but we've got to be self-controlled and alert, remembering that it's not ultimately against flesh and blood that we battle.

The Indirect Approach (Football Style) (reprinted with permission)

"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves." Matt. 10:16

We should also note that Scripture provides numerous favorable examples of approaching others indirectly instead of bluntly describing their wrongs. Jesus did not directly confront the Samaritan woman at the well about living in adultery. Instead, he approached the issue indirectly by using questions and assessing her own life (John 4:1-18). Jesus frequently used parables and stories as roundabout ways to help people see their sins (see, e.g., Matt. 21:33-45; Luke 15)…As these and many similar passages indicate, we need to let go of the idea that showing someone his fault always requires direct confrontation.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 145

Food for Thought

What role does shrewdness play in your peacemaking?

For you football fans out there, you probably enjoyed the Super Bowl this past Sunday -- an exciting ending to be sure. It is an exhilarating experience to watch a finely tuned football team play. The finesse and intricacy of some plays is simply beautiful. And more importantly, effective. But compare that to the way most schoolyard football games are played -- give the ball to the kid and he runs it straight up the middle. No grace here or shrewdness, this is just head-tucked-knees-high-full-steam-ahead-force. And sure, it can be pretty effective.

But sometimes this direct confrontation results in yardage gains measured in inches and a weary ball carrier. Possibly even an injured ball carrier. Would those phrases describe your peacemaking plays lately? Yardage in inches? Maybe even some yardage losses? A weariness that's causing you to question even wanting to stay in the game? Or an injury to the heart that's got you sidelined? OK, call a time out, catch your breath, and return to the field as innocent as a dove, but as shrewd as a snake. Stop making every peacemaking attempt a direct confrontation. Start being open to the Coach showing you ways of running plays that you'd never considered before. Wise up - the game is a full four quarters. Do not grow weary in doing good. Do not lose heart. Let go of the idea that showing someone his fault always requires direct confrontation. And hear the Coach say, "Well done!"

An Enemy of Grace (reprinted by permission)

There are many conflicts that require a lot of time and effort to resolve. But there are far more that can be resolved simply by overlooking minor offenses or relinquishing rights for the sake of God's kingdom. Therefore, before focusing on your rights, take a careful look at your responsibilities. Before you go to remove the speck from your brother's eye, ask yourself, "Is this really worth fighting over?"

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 98

Food for Thought

Reflect on this last week and notice the times when a spirit of entitlement rose up in your heart. What is it you really thought you deserved?

There was once a conference leader speaking to a group of pastors. He was sharing how important it was for a church to have a spirit of grace throughout all it does. He posed this question: "What do you think is the most significant threat to that spirit of grace?" Several answers were given, all of them valid. Then someone asked him, "What do you think?" He answered, "A spirit of entitlement."

A lot of conflicts can be resolved by relinquishing rights for the sake of God's kingdom; in other words, setting the spirit of entitlement aside. Ken's right: before focusing on your rights, take a careful look at your responsibilities.

The Gospel: "La Clave" of Biblical Peacemaking (reprinted with permission)

Through the gospel, the foundational G, the Lord enables us to live out the Four G's of peacemaking. As we stand in awe of his matchless grace, we find more joy in glorifying God than in pursuing our own selfish ends. When we realize that God has mercy on those who confess their sins, our defensiveness lifts and we are able to admit our wrongs. As we accept and benefit from the way the gospel lovingly shows us our sin, we are inspired to gently correct and restore others who have done wrong. And as we rejoice in the liberating forgiveness of God, we are empowered to go and forgive others in the same way. Through the gospel, God provides both the model and motivation for peacemaking!

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 13-14

Food for Thought

From The University of Salsa comes the following definition of clave: "Clave rhythm is the basis of Afro-Latin musical styles and is considered the key, the identity, the root, and the 'soul' of the music. It is the temporal key, the main organizing principle, to which every element of arrangement and improvisation in the music must be aligned. The clave rhythm pattern ('La Clave' in Spanish) is therefore embedded in all parts of a piece, from vocals to violins, whether the instrument...is actually played, or not ('implied clave'). Clave is the primary rule and the chief factor that defines all the music called 'Salsa.' Most musically connected, authentic, or culturally/traditionally trained dancers use the clave rhythm as a focus or "metronome" in salsa music to stay in time to the foundation and 'soul' of the music, allowing for a natural appearance and rhythmic, free expression of the music."

When biblical peacemaking is practiced by someone who has not drunk deeply and personally (and recently) of the grace of God, the result is a "chalky aftertaste" for everyone involved. It's like salsa dancing with someone who went to a class and learned all the steps but who doesn't feel "la clave". The key to successful peacemaking isn't certification through Peacemaker Ministries; it's having your heart pierced regularly by "la clave" of the gospel.

Practice Makes Peacemakers (reprinted with permission)

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man... Matt. 7:24 As Paul warned the Philippians, we cannot change unless we put what we are learning into practice (Phil. 4:9). In other letters, he used athletic metaphors to teach that godly character qualities must be developed through disciplined practice in which we seek to overcome our weaknesses, master the proper techniques, and make a desired behavior natural and automatic (1 Cor. 9:24-27; Phil. 3:14; 2 Peter 1:4-8). As we have seen, conflict provides excellent opportunities for such practice. When an argument develops, give close attention to controlling your tongue. When your desires clash with another's, recall Jesus' example and willingly submit. Or, if you have been offended, ask God to help you resist resentment and forgive as he has forgiven you. With God's help and faithful practice, you can develop a Christ-like character, which will demonstrate your repentance and enable you to enjoy the benefits of peace.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 135

Food for Thought

Can you imagine what would happen in a game if a football team never practiced? Players would run wild, unsure of where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to do. It would be a comedy of errors, with each player relying on his own instincts to try to succeed, but failing miserably.Is that an apt description of what happens when you get into a conflict situation? A comedy of errors? Relying on your instincts? Failing miserably?

As Ken notes, maybe you could use some disciplined practice.

The professional football season is now coming to a climax, but the hard work for today's best teams began long ago. Champions were forged during the long hot days of summer, practicing in their training camps. They took what was written in their playbooks and worked it out on the practice field, even though their first real game would not be played for weeks. Yet the work they put in paid off later in those critical moments -- with their techniques mastered, doing the right thing had become second nature.

If only Christians put that kind of disciplined effort into developing our own characters. Let us learn the "playbook" of God's word and put it into practice in our own relationships and churches, so that when conflicts come, we'll be ready, and our natural response will be to do the right thing -- exactly what God desires.

Don't Drop Your Weapons! (by permission from Peacemaker Ministries)

Paul also understood that God has given us divine weapons to use in our quest for peace. These weapons include Scripture, prayer, truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Eph. 6:10-18; Gal. 5:22-23). To many people, these resources and qualities seem feeble and useless when dealing with "real" problems. Yet these are the very weapons Jesus used to defeat Satan and to conquer the world (e.g., Matt. 4:1-11; 11:28-30; John 14:15-17). Since Jesus chose to use these weapons instead of resorting to worldly weapons, we should do the same.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 248

Food for Thought

What weapons do you tend to use when you are in a conflict?When we finally decide to reconcile with an enemy, we sometimes approach them with an attitude of "dropping our weapons". But Jesus never calls us to be unarmed or passive among our enemies. To the contrary, he calls us to lay down our ineffective worldly weapons (like defensiveness, anger, self-justification, and gossip) in order to take up the truly heavy artillery (like love, peace, patience, kindness, and self-control). Take time today to read Romans 12:14-21 and resolve to take up again the weapons for which the Lord sacrificed so much to equip you.

The Right Kind of Friends (taken from Peacemaker Ministries edevotional with permission)

As Paul says, it is difficult to battle evil alone (Rom. 12:15-16). This is why it is important to develop relationships with people who will encourage you and give you biblically sound advice. These friends should also be willing to correct and admonish you when they see that you are in the wrong (Prov. 27:5-6).

Godly advisors are especially helpful when you are involved in a difficult conflict and are not seeing the results you desire. If a lack of noticeable progress causes you to doubt the biblical principles you are following, you may be tempted to abandon God's ways and to resort to the world's tactics. One of the best ways to avoid straying from the Lord is to surround yourself with wise and spiritually mature people who will encourage you to stay on a biblical course, even when the going is tough.

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 250

Food for Thought

Some time ago, I was miserably slogging my way through a painful conflict. I knew all of the biblical peacemaking principles by heart--but here I was having to live them out after having been terribly hurt by someone. During that time, I wanted to surround myself with "yes men" who would pat me on the shoulder, tell me how "wrong" and "mean" the other person was, and basically just feed my idols, unbelief, and selfishness.

Thank God that instead, he sent me godly and wise advisors who loved me enough to tell me the truth:


"Tara, you are focusing on yourself, your circumstance and the other person. Of course you will only despair! Look to the Cross! Remember Christ! Fix your eyes on eternity!"

"Dear one, we are praying against anything or anyone that would enable you to get out of this situation." (I wanted to run far, far away--both figuratively and literally!) "Instead, we are praying for the grace for you to persevere in love. How can we help?"

"It's OK that you don't have any faith right now, Tara. Take comfort in the Lord and his Body. I'll believe for you. Trust in him. Let me serve you. Let's go to the Lord in prayer."

Even though my heart cried out, "No!", I knew they were right. I am so grateful for these godly advisors.

So the next time you are facing a conflict or broken relationship, ask yourself these questions:


• Am I surrounding myself with people who only tell me what I want to hear? Or do I have true friends, wise and godly advisors, who love me enough to tell me the truth?

• Are my "friends" just placating my complaining and whining? Or are they leading me in repentance, confession, and faith?

• What kind of advisor am I? Do I bring others the hope of the gospel and the practical help of biblical peacemaking?

--- Tara Barthel (Billings, MT) is a former attorney and the author of our Women’s Study. She currently serves her family as a homemaker while regularly speaking at women’s events and blogging on God’s considerable grace.