As usual, Paul [in Philippians 4:2-9] urges us to be God-centered in our approach to conflict. Moreover, he wants us to be joyfully God-centered. Realizing we may skip over this point, Paul repeats it: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" What on earth is there to rejoice about when you are involved in a dispute? If you open your eyes and think about God's lavish goodness to you, here is the kind of worship you could offer to him, even in the midst of the worst conflict!
O Lord, you are so amazingly good to me! You sent your only Son to die for my sins, including those I have committed in this conflict. Because of Jesus I am forgiven, and my name is written in the Book of Life! You do not treat me as I deserve, but you are patient, kind, gentle, and forgiving with me. Please help me to do the same to others.
In your great mercy, you are also kind to my opponent. Although he has wronged me repeatedly, you hold out your forgiveness to him as you do to me. Even if he and I never reconcile in this life, which I still hope we will, you have already done the work to reconcile us forever in heaven. This conflict is so insignificant compared to the wonderful hope we have in you!
This conflict is so small compared to the many other things you are watching over at this moment, yet you still want to walk beside me as I seek to resolve it. Why would you stoop down to pay such attention to me? It is too wonderful for me to understand. You are extravagant in your gifts to me. You offer me the comfort of your Spirit, the wisdom of your Word, and the support of your church. Forgive me for neglecting these powerful treasures until now, and help me to use them to please and honor you.
I rejoice that these same resources are available to my opponent. Please enable us to draw on them together so that we see our own sins, remember the gospel, find common ground in the light of your truth, come to one mind with you and each other, and restore peace and unity between us.
Finally, Lord, I rejoice that this conflict has not happened by accident. You are sovereign and good, so I know that you are working through this situation for your glory and my good. No matter what my opponent does, you are working to conform me to the likeness of your Son. Please help me cooperate with you in every possible way and give you glory for what you have done and are doing.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 84-85
Food for Thought
When you are gathered around the Thanksgiving dinner table this week, instead of giving thanks in spite of the present conflicts in your life...give thanks for those conflicts! Pray the above prayer, substituting the names of those from whom you are estranged each time the prayer reads, "my opponent." Does this change your view of the conflict? Of God's role in it? Of your opponent? Of what it means to give thanks?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Taking a "Leaf-Raking Break"
If you look for something bad in another person, you will usually be able to find it. On the other hand, if you look for what is good, you are likely to find that too--and then more and more that is good.As you regain a more balanced view of the other person, you will often find it easier to overlook minor offenses. I have experienced this process many times in my marriage. One day Corlette said something that really hurt me. I don't remember what she said, but I remember going out into the back yard a few minutes later to rake leaves. The more I dwelt on her words, the more deeply I slid into self-pity and resentment. I was steadily building up steam to go back into the house and let her know how wrong she was. But then God brought Philippians 4:8 to my mind.
Ha! I thought. There's nothing noble, right, or lovely about the way she's treating me! But the Holy Spirit wouldn't give up. The verse would not go away; it kept echoing in my mind. Finally, to get God off my back, I grudgingly conceded that Corlette is a good cook. This small concession opened the door to a stream of thoughts about my wife's good qualities. I recalled that she keeps a beautiful home and practices wonderful hospitality. She has always been kind toward my family, and she never missed an opportunity to share the gospel with my father (who eventually put his trust in Christ just two hours before he died). I realized that Corlette has always been pure and faithful, and I remembered how much she supports me through difficult times in my work. Every chance she gets, she attends the seminars I teach and sits smiling and supportive through hours of the same material (always saying she has learned something new). She is a marvelous counselor and has helped hundreds of children. And she even took up backpacking because she knew I loved it! I realized that the list of her virtues could go on and on.
Within minutes my attitude toward her was turned upside down. I saw her offensive comment for what it was--a momentary and insignificant flaw in an otherwise wonderful person. I dropped my rake and went inside, but not to unload a storm of resentment and criticism. To her surprise, I walked in, gave her a big hug, and told her how glad I was to be married to her. The conversation that followed led quickly to a warm reconciliation.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 112-113
Food for Thought
Fall is here, and many of us will find ourselves busy raking leaves in the coming weeks. Have you ever had a leaf-raking experience like the one Ken describes above? Keep in mind that even without a rake in your hand, you can take a "leaf-raking break" and apply Philippians 4:8 to your relationships.Pause to call to mind the MOST strained, cool, or distant relationship in your life today--even if it's only a minor spat. Then work to develop a list of at least three characteristics about the other person in the conflict that are noble, right, or lovely. Now, as the Apostle Paul counsels in Philippians 4:8, take a "leaf-raking break" from your regular routine to "think on these things." How might your approach to the present conflict change by putting the apostle's advice into action?
Ha! I thought. There's nothing noble, right, or lovely about the way she's treating me! But the Holy Spirit wouldn't give up. The verse would not go away; it kept echoing in my mind. Finally, to get God off my back, I grudgingly conceded that Corlette is a good cook. This small concession opened the door to a stream of thoughts about my wife's good qualities. I recalled that she keeps a beautiful home and practices wonderful hospitality. She has always been kind toward my family, and she never missed an opportunity to share the gospel with my father (who eventually put his trust in Christ just two hours before he died). I realized that Corlette has always been pure and faithful, and I remembered how much she supports me through difficult times in my work. Every chance she gets, she attends the seminars I teach and sits smiling and supportive through hours of the same material (always saying she has learned something new). She is a marvelous counselor and has helped hundreds of children. And she even took up backpacking because she knew I loved it! I realized that the list of her virtues could go on and on.
Within minutes my attitude toward her was turned upside down. I saw her offensive comment for what it was--a momentary and insignificant flaw in an otherwise wonderful person. I dropped my rake and went inside, but not to unload a storm of resentment and criticism. To her surprise, I walked in, gave her a big hug, and told her how glad I was to be married to her. The conversation that followed led quickly to a warm reconciliation.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 112-113
Food for Thought
Fall is here, and many of us will find ourselves busy raking leaves in the coming weeks. Have you ever had a leaf-raking experience like the one Ken describes above? Keep in mind that even without a rake in your hand, you can take a "leaf-raking break" and apply Philippians 4:8 to your relationships.Pause to call to mind the MOST strained, cool, or distant relationship in your life today--even if it's only a minor spat. Then work to develop a list of at least three characteristics about the other person in the conflict that are noble, right, or lovely. Now, as the Apostle Paul counsels in Philippians 4:8, take a "leaf-raking break" from your regular routine to "think on these things." How might your approach to the present conflict change by putting the apostle's advice into action?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Keeping Your Focus on the Lord
One of the best ways to keep your focus on the Lord is to continually ask yourself these questions: How can I please and honor God in this situation? In particular, how can I bring praise to Jesus by showing that he has saved me and is changing me? Seeking to please and honor God is a powerful compass for life, especially when we are faced with difficult challenges. Jesus himself was guided by these goals. He said, "I seek not to please myself but him who sent me" (John 5:30). "The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him" (John 8:29). "I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do" (John 17:4). King David showed the same desire when he wrote: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer" (Ps. 19:14).
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 34
Food for Thought
What difficult situation do you face today?In this situation, is displaying the riches of God's love and pleasing him more important than holding onto worldly things and pleasing yourself? If so, it becomes increasingly natural to respond to conflict graciously, wisely, and with self-control. This approach brings glory to God and sets the stage for effective peacemaking.Pray that this "powerful compass for life"--pleasing and honoring God--would guide your heart and mind today.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 34
Food for Thought
What difficult situation do you face today?In this situation, is displaying the riches of God's love and pleasing him more important than holding onto worldly things and pleasing yourself? If so, it becomes increasingly natural to respond to conflict graciously, wisely, and with self-control. This approach brings glory to God and sets the stage for effective peacemaking.Pray that this "powerful compass for life"--pleasing and honoring God--would guide your heart and mind today.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Overcome Evil with Good
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21
Peacemaking does not always go as easily as we would like it to. Although some people will readily make peace, others will be stubborn and defensive and resist our efforts to be reconciled. Sometimes they will become even more antagonistic and find new ways to frustrate or mistreat us. Our natural reaction is to strike back at such people, or at least to stop doing anything good to them. However, Jesus calls us to take a remarkably different course of action: "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ... Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:27-28, 35-36).
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 247
Food for Thought
Think about someone who could be described by one of the following:
• Your enemy
• Someone who hates you
• Someone who curses you
• Someone who mistreats you
Maybe someone pops right to mind. Or maybe it's a little hard to identify one (though "someone who mistreats you" is quite a one-size-fits-all descriptor of a person who make your life difficult). But in each case, Jesus has called us to this "remarkably different course of action." He calls us to love, do good, bless, and pray. But in our own strength, this command is impossible to obey. Pray that God would give you a special measure of grace today to overcome evil with good, even when it seems the most difficult thing in the world to actually do.
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