Seven Facts About Emotions

This three minute video clip has been viewed by over four million people. Watch it and you’ll see why.

This short clip captures something that is common to all people at all times in all cultures: the power of emotion.

Emotions drive most of what goes on in this world. Whether it’s the desire of a man to win the heart of a special young lady, the sacrificial love of a parent for a child, the bitterness that corrodes a friendship, or the anger that fragments a family or church, emotions play a powerful role in every aspect of life.

And yet most of us know almost nothing about the origins and dynamics of our emotions. We seldom hear practical sermons about emotions, and when we do, we usually walk away with the sense that emotions are generally untrustworthy and sinful.

This shallow understanding cripples our ability to enjoy life, resist sin, and enjoy deep and authentic relationships.

Let’s begin to deepen our understanding by taking a quick look at seven basic facts about emotions.

First, emotions are built into all people in all cultures by God’s design. They are hardwired into our brains and bodies through the neurological and hormonal systems that he designed at creation and weaves into every baby as he forms it in the womb (Gen. 1:26-27; Ps. 139:13-14).

Second, emotions are physiological experiences that involve measurable neural, muscular, respiratory, hormonal, and cardiovascular changes that impact our thoughts and move us to action (Exod. 32:19; 2Sam. 18:33; Mark 1:41).

Third, emotions provide some of our greatest pleasures in life, such as love, joy, delight, acceptance, compassion, belonging, and peace, to name just a few. These emotions are found in both saved and unsaved people, and drive some of our most noble and constructive behavior (Exod. 2:5-6; Dan. 1:9).

Fourth, emotions are also tied to our greatest struggles and agonies in life, which often involve negative feelings such as sadness, embarrassment, anger, bitterness, jealousy, self-pity, and regret (Gen. 37:11; Matt. 27:3-5).

Fifth, emotions are not inherently sinful. Jesus felt a wide range of emotions, including love, compassion, joy, pity, anger, sorrow, and agony (John 11:5; Matt. 14:14; Heb. 12:2; Mark 1:41; Mark 3:5;Mark 14:34; Luke 22:44). Yet he never sinned (1 Pet. 2:22). His emotions never surprised or overwhelmed him or moved him to act contrary to his Father’s perfect will (John 8:29).

Sixth, human emotions are often twisted by sin. Because of the fall, sin has corrupted our whole being, including our minds, emotions, and will. Therefore, like a computer with a defective motherboard, we are unable to consistently understand and control the emotions that are triggered by people and events in our lives (Gen. 3:6-13; Jer. 17:9; Eph. 4:22). Therefore, while positive emotions usually move us to do good things, negative emotions often move us to sin against God and one another (Gen. 37:11; 2Sam. 11:2-4; Ps. 73:21-22).

Seventh, through the gospel, God has redeemed us from the curse of sin, made us new creations (which impacts our minds, emotions, and will), and is now pouring his grace into us, giving us the ability to understand our emotions and progressively bring them under the Lordship of Christ (Ezek. 36:25-27; 2Cor. 5:17; Titus 2:14; Rom. 12:2; 2Cor. 3:17-18).

In the weeks to come, I will be sharing other basic facts about emotions, including insights into the neurology of our emotions and the principles God has given to us through Scripture to help us understand and master our emotions.

Until then, I encourage you to read this more detailed article, Emotion in Christian Anthropology, and then work through the following discussion questions with a friend to strengthen your ability to harness the power of emotions in your life.

– Ken Sande

Reflection Questions

•  Read each of the Scripture passages cited in this post (they will show up on your screen if you simple place your cursor over each citation). There are hundreds more like them. Did you realize that the Bible talks so much about emotions? Why do you think God caused the prophets and apostles to write so much about emotion?
• What has been your understanding of and attitude about emotions? Did you realize that they were designed by God as an inherent part of our neurological system and woven by his hand into every human being on the face of the earth? Have you thought that all emotions are inherently sinful? Should we try to simply stifle them and be governed by thought and will power, or can emotions provide something positive that can actually enrich and empower our lives in positive ways?
• Watch the video clip again. Write down the emotions that fragment this family, as well as the emotions that pull it back together. Note what emotions you feel as you watch the film. This is a way to improve your ability to empathize with and feel compassion toward other people (something Jesus modeled throughout his ministry, Matt. 14:14; Matt. 15:32).
• Read Emotion in Christian Anthropology. What surprised you as you read this article? What practical insights did you gain? How will you view emotions differently in the future? What do you want to do with your emotions from now on?

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like. If you wish to adapt the questions to better suit your group, please include a parenthetical note (Questions adapted with permission of RW360) and send a copy to mail@rw360.org.

© 2014 Ken Sande

Face to Face and No Excuses

Someone on my team had blown it. Not ethically or morally. He had simply taken too long to complete some significant tasks, which put one of our clients in an awkward position in a mediation case.

It wasn’t my mistake, but since the “buck stops here,” I knew I had to be the one to repair the damage. So I picked up my phone and dialed our client’s number to apologize for our failure to serve him well.

Before the phone rang twice, however, I hung up.

Even though the damage seemed to be minor in my eyes, it dawned on me that our client could easily see this as a major problem. Therefore, it called for a face-to-face conversation.

So I booked a flight the next day and called the client to ask if I could take him to lunch to apologize personally for what had happened. His guarded response confirmed that this was no small matter to him.

When I walked into the restaurant the following day, I saw our client, an attorney himself, flanked by two of his staff attorneys. He apparently suspected that I might try to shift the blame or minimize the damage. So he brought “the troops” to back his case.

My gut tightened up a bit, so I prayed that God would give me grace not to become defensive or competitive (two of my most natural reactions in a situation like this).

We exchanged pleasantries as we scanned the menu and placed our orders. Then after a moment of awkward silence, I moved into a “Seven-A Confession.”

I acknowledged our failure to administer the case in a timely manner. Although I was sorely tempted to point out how he had caused several major delays himself, and also how obstructive the other party had been, God helped me to avoid making any excuses whatsoever.

Instead, I admitted our mistakes in detail and acknowledged how they had probably impacted the client, both emotionally and substantively. Finally, I offered a solution to get us back on track … plus a commitment to waive our entire fee if he was not completely satisfied with the outcome of the process.

He was clearly stunned. As he glanced at his colleagues, they showed the same surprise.

Once he collected his thoughts, he told me he had expected me to make excuses and downplay the seriousness of the delays. So they had actually spent an hour at their office that morning preparing a counterattack. My unqualified confession caught them totally off guard.

The mood at the table changed dramatically. The tension evaporated, bodies relaxed, smiles become more natural, and we all switched off “attorney mode.”

In response to my no-excuses apology, the client actually started making excuses for me (a perfect example of “the Golden Result”). He admitted that they had failed to give timely responses on two critical exchanges, and he pointed out that the other party was consistently late in his responses.

As tempting as it was to minimize our failure by agreeing with him, I said, “I appreciate that. But it’s actually beside the point. As a Christian ministry we are committed to serve you with excellence regardless of others’ actions. We failed to do that, and I’m here to do whatever it takes to make things right with you.”

After a short, congenial tug-of-war as to who was most responsible for the delay, we both laughed out of pure relief. We were not going to be adversaries. We didn’t need to use our adversarial skills against each other. We could relax and work together to find a solution that moved us in the direction we all wanted to go.

Face-to-face. No excuses.

It’s often the fastest way to turn a conflict into an opportunity to build a closer relationship.

– Ken Sande

Reflection Questions

• Deuteronomy 34:10 says, “There has not arisen a prophet since in Israel like Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face.” What is the significance of the words “face to face”? What relational wisdom principle can you learn from this?
• Read the account in Genesis 33 of Jacob reconciling with his brother Esau (after tricking him out of his birthright). What took place in their face-to-face meeting that would not have happened if Jacob had instead written a letter or sent an emissary to talk with his brother?
• When King David pardoned his son Absalom for murdering his brother, David refused to meet personally with Absalom for two years. As 2 Samuel 14:24 reports, “The King said, ‘He must not see my face.’ So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.” This prolonged isolation resulted in Absalom leading a rebellion against his father. How did David’s refusal to meet face-to-face contribute to his son’s bitterness and rebellion?
• Why are face-to-face meetings usually more effective when dealing with significant personal issues? Why are they better than texting, emails, letters, or even phone calls? What wisdom principle can you learn from this? Is there someone with whom you could apply this principle today?
• Why are we usually tempted to make excuses or blame others when we are apologizing for something we’ve done?
• How does excusing and blaming destroy the effectiveness of a confession?
• Is there someone who deserves a “no excuses” confession from you? Go and meet together today … before you think of a reason to delay!

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like. If you wish to adapt the questions to better suit your group, please include a parenthetical note (Questions adapted with permission of RW360) and send a copy to mail@rw360.org.

© 2014 Ken Sande

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Slaves and Masters (Eph 6:5-9)

5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart,7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

"Not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers..."  These are the words that jumped out for me this morning.  How often don't I do things, looking for people to be happy with me, looking for ways to feel good about myself??  But a second look at these verses helps me see that it's more important what God thinks of me, than what others, or even myself, think of me!  What I know about God, it that He loves me!  He loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me, to pay the price that I can't do myself.  Thank you God for the blood of Your Son washing away my sins and making it so that I can have a relationship with You again. 

Relational Stupidity

I’ve seen a lot of foolish behavior during my thirty-two years as a professional conciliator.

Like the man who divorced his lovely Christian wife to marry a woman who had already been married and divorced six times. When I asked him whether he saw a pattern in her life, he said, “Yes I see it, but with us it will be different.” It wasn’t.

Or the two couples who met through an infertility support group in their church and decided to swap partners to conceive a child … without agreeing in advance which couple would get the baby, or anticipating the shame they would feel when a local news station televised their disciplinary battle with their church.

Or the pastor who persuaded a young couple that the solution to the stress in their marriage was to give their new-born baby up for adoption … to the pastor’s son and daughter-in-law. It took four years to resolve the resulting multi-million dollar lawsuit.

It’s easy for us to see how foolish these people were. What we all have a hard time seeing, however, is our own relational stupidity … which often takes place in our own homes and churches.

Here’s a simple but painfully vivid example of such foolishness.

This short clip is taken from a movie entitled Spanglish. As you watch it, try to imagine how each of the characters (father, daughter, mother, and housekeeper) is feeling as the scene unfolds. Note who shows the greatest foolishness and who shows the greatest relational wisdom (especially other-awareness and self-control).

Debrief

The short scene displays a wide range of human frailties, emotions, and virtues. The father knows that his daughter feels like she is constantly disappointing her mother, so he is trying earnestly to encourage and support her. Both of them are surprised by the mother’s unexpected gift of new clothes. (Did you catch the daughter’s exclamation, “What’d I do right?” and his delighted, “She needed a boost!)

This inflated joy only makes the subsequent manipulation more devastating, especially for the daughter. Both her father and the housekeeper pick up instantly on the pained look on her face, and yet feel powerless to stop this relational train wreck.

But the mother is utterly clueless. She is as blind to her own consuming desire to have a “cover-girl” daughter as she is to the humiliation she is inflicting on her daughter through her transparent manipulation.

Amazingly, the daughter turns out to be the hero of this scene.

In spite of her terrible embarrassment and sense of rejection, she shows remarkable self-awareness and self-control. She initially turns away to avoid lashing back at her mother.

But then, in spite of the emotional upheaval she is experiencing, she thinks of an appropriate response. Turning back to her mother, she candidly and yet respectfully labels her mother’s gift for what it really is: a manipulative ruse.

And then, rather than getting embroiled in a verbal sparring match in front of others, she quietly turns away to process her feelings alone.

If only this mother had even half the relational wisdom demonstrated by her unusually mature daughter …

- Ken Sande

Reflection Questions

• How does James 4:1-3 help us to understand the root cause of many of our relationally foolish actions? Apply this passage to the three examples that opened this blog as well as the video clip.
• What was the mother in this movie scene seeking to accomplish with her “gift”? Why did her actions hurt her daughter so deeply?
• What emotions did the daughter feel? The father? The housekeeper? How did their body language communicate these emotions?
• What more might the father have done? What held him back?
• Have you ever been manipulated like this? How did it make you feel?
• Have you ever done something that might have embarrassed or hurt someone like this? Have you confessed your wrong and sought forgiveness? If not, what might God be calling you to do today?
• What do you admire most about the daughter? What can you learn from her about controlling both your emotions and your tongue?

Watch with Wisdom

This is one of my favorite movies for demonstrating both relational wisdom and relational foolishness. However it does contain some profanity, and there are two scenes that involve sexual interplay between the husband and wife (the first at 17 minutes and the second at 37), which you would want to skip over if watching with young children. For a detailed review of its content, see Plugged In or IMDb.

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2014 Ken Sande

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By Ken Sande|April 13th, 2014|Home Page, RW Blog|0 Comments

Children and Parents (Eph 6:1-4)

6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

There is a sense of hierarchy in God's plan for His people, with Him as our Head, our compass point to whom we look for direction.  But that's also in our families.  The father is the head with the mother coming alongside, working to be responsible for and give direction to their children.  The children look up to the parents obeying them, so they can also learn to obey God.  Yet this passage warns not to take that hierarchy on a power trip, provoking children to anger, pushing them away.  God never does that with us.  He is always there taking responsibility for our salvation, guiding us, disciplining us in love, teaching us to be His children.  That's the God we know and love; let's trust and obey Him!

Is Church Membership Really Required?

RICKY JONES|12:01 AM CT

"I'd like to share this blog from Ricky Jones today, since I think it fits well with the text from yesterday."

This month we will be inducting new members into the most honored body the world has ever known: the church of Jesus Christ. The initiation fee for this club is so high that no human could have ever paid it; God himself had to pick up the tab. The benefits of the club never expire. The fellowship of the club is unmatched; you receive intimate access to the Lord himself (John 17:23).

With such benefits, you'd think church membership would be held in infinitely high esteem. But for many reasons, Christians seem to think less of it than ever before. If you're one who looks upon church membership lightly, then I invite you to reconsider.

When we hear the word membership, we immediately think of a club. A member pays dues, comes to meetings, and fulfills the obligations of a club member. When you move, or no longer have time for the club, you simply withdraw your membership and move on.

The Bible says membership is much more intimate. "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body" (Eph. 5:29-30).

To be a church member means we are a member of Christ's body—just like your finger is a member of your body. His blood runs through us. His Spirit animates us. His will moves us. He feels our pain, cleanses us when we get dirty, nurses our wounds, and cherishes us with pride.

Leaving the church is not simply leaving a club. When you walk away, you dismember yourself from the body. Jesus and the rest of the body sorely miss you, and bleed after your departure. You cut yourself off from your only source of life and nourishment. Like an amputated hand, you will slowly bleed out, wither, and die.

Not Possible, Biblical, or Healthy

I hear you complaining already. My, he's being a bit dramatic. I'm a member of Christ; I just can't find a local church I like. I'm a member of the universal church, just not of any one in particular.

I want you to understand that being a part of the universal church without submitting to a local church is not possible, biblical, or healthy.

First, it's simply not possible. To imply you can be part of the greater community without first being part of the smaller is not logical. You cannot be part of Rotary International without also being part of a local chapter. You cannot be part of the universal human family without first being part of a small immediate family.

Second, it's not biblical. Every letter in the New Testament assumes Christians are members of local churches. The letters themselves are addressed to local churches. They teach us how to get along with other members, how to encourage the weak within the church, how to conduct ourselves at church, and what to do with unrepentant sinners in the church. They command us to submit to our elders, and encourage us to go to our elders to pray. All these things are impossible if you aren't a member of a local church. (See 1 and 2 Corinthians, James, Ephesians, 1 and 2 Timothy, and 1 Peter for references.)

Asking where the Bible commands you to be a church member is like asking where the USGA rulebook for golf insists you be a human. The whole book is addressed to the church.

Finally, living without church membership is not healthy. Independence—the desire to choose for yourself what's right and wrong—is at the heart of sin. You need the humility lesson of submitting to flawed elders. You need the encouragement of sharing victories with your church. You need the fellowship of sharing sufferings with your church.

You need to know we're all in this life together, and we won't walk away from you just because you let us down or we disagree. Together we build each other up into the image of Christ; no one can make it alone. I encourage you to rethink the importance of church membership. Our fellowship may be an affliction, but we are a glorious affliction. And we will walk into glory together.

Editors' note: This article originally appeared at the RiverOaks Presbyterian Church blog.

Ricky Jones is lead pastor of RiverOaks Presbyterian Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. You can follow him on Twitter

CATEGORIES: CHRISTIAN LIVING

TAGS: CHURCH MEMBERSHIP, GENERAL THEOLOGY, SANCTIFICATION AND GROWTH

  

 

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Wives and Husbands (Eph 5:22-33)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Submission is a tough word for our culture today, since many believe it means to be a slave.  From these verses, I get a totally different picture: " 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church".  Nowhere in history have I ever come across someone loving his slave the way he loves himself.  Christ also submitted to the Father - not as a slave, but to do His will because He knew that the Father loved Him dearly and knew what was for the best.  Therefore, to me, submitting means loving and respecting your husband so much that you're on the same wavelength, working together to serve God, yet trusting him that when we differ, unless it is shown to be against God's Word, my husband knows best, can see the big picture.

Christ loves, nourishes and cherishes the church.  Does the church always submit to Christ or do we often go our own way, think we know what's best, or even push our power?  Thankfully Christ will always make sure there is a Church, full of people (although still sinners) striving to worship Him!

Walk in Love (Eph 5:1-21)

5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Doing the will of God - those are the words that jumped out at me today.  This whole section is about loving each other, giving thanks for everything, making melody to the LORD with our hearts, IMITATORS OF CHRIST.  I always struggle with the line, "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving."  I get very uncomfortable when all we do is talk foolishly, turning things around on each other when, I think, we don't want to deal with something they have said.  Yet I don't always want to be accused of being "so serious" all the time. At what point do we recognize that imitating Christ is 24/7, and we can't just turn it off and on to please other people?

The New Life (Eph 4:17-32)

17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20But that is not the way you learned Christ!-- 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. 25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Beautiful words to live by.  So simple to hear but, sometimes because of the hurts and pains we have suffered, so hard to do.  Trying to remember that I am no better than others, my sins are no better than others.  

Unity in the Body of Christ (Eph 4:1-16)

4:1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. 8 Therefore it says,

“When he ascended on high he led a host of captives,
and he gave gifts to men.”

9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Unity - that word always strikes me because I always want to add, not uniformity.  God made us all different and it's our differences that allow us to work together.  Just like every part of our body is different yet they all have to be there working together in order for the whole body to work properly.  The most important thing though, is how we are joined to Christ our Head.  Only when we are properly attached to Him do we get the nourishment to grow, to mature and build each other up in love.