Shame and Disgust

Chapter 4 is the last chapter in uncovering shame and begins connecting the three human experiences:

"You feel like an outcast.  You don't belong.
You feel naked.  While everyone else is walking around with their clothes on, you feel exposed and vulnerable.  You are seen, and what others see is not pretty.
You feel unclean.  Something is wrong with you.  You are dirty.  Even worse, you are contaminated.  There is a difference between being a bit muddy and harbouring a deadly, contagious virus." (p.27)

Tough, tough words but this is the only way to uncover, expose it because it is everywhere.  Welch gives a list of places where it is seen -- depression, anger, anorexia, fear and withdrawal, exhibitionism, addiction, cutting, fears of being exposed, suicide, doubts that God could ever love you, you can't forgive yourself, you're a failure.  Every culture has its worthless and honoured and Welch says the schoolyard is the world in miniature, where the caste system falls into place.  The picked on are the most visible, but underneath the popular child's belittling and powerfulness, is often a child who goes home to an insecure attachment household.  Their bravado is a coverup for the belittling they often perceive.

To really dig out shame we have to give it the tough language it truly describes:
unclean     defiled     disgraced     dishonoured     outcast     worthless     filthy     unlovable     loathed     shunned     discarded     scorned     disgusting     repulsive     vile
Sometimes it may mean opening up a number of different layers to truly get to the shame layer and sometimes shame at the extreme has no words.  The only way we can express shame, according to Welch, is by doing disgusting things: vomiting, promiscuity, intentional failure in work or relationships.

Sometimes we do shame, sometimes we are shamed, and many times we are a combination of both (p.33).  The world spits shame on other people and most recipients believe they deserve it (Num 12:14, Deut 25:8-9, WWII concentration camps dehumanizing Jews).

The language of shame is extreme and when we hear it often enough we believe it, but we cannot minimize it.  Shame can be cleansed but we have to confront it.  I'm going to finish today with Welch's words on p. 35, "To be human is to experience shame, but to be human is also to hope."  You don't have to stay unclean forever!!