Naked with Shame

Welch begins this next chapter by explaining that shame cannot always be pinpointed at the exact time and place of its arrival in our own lives, but that it has a very long history.  It began in Eden, Gen 3:6-10 when shame's trinity: nakedness, rejection and contamination invaded humanity.  First came nakedness after the fall, when Adam and Eve tried to cover it up with fig leaves, but since that didn't feel like enough they also tried to hide.  Welch tells us that hiding, covering, self-protection, feeling exposed, are all telltale signs of shame.

Then came rejection, separated from, cast out, or not being invited into God's presence.  Modern shame's most common description is rejection according to Welch, but wherever you find rejection you also notice nakedness and contamination.  Separation, rejection is also the telltale signs of an insecure attachment.  In the Genesis story, God drove out the man and woman, Gen 3:24, and sent them out of the garden of Eden, Gen 3:23.

"Unclean" or contaminated is the third triad of shame and Welch tells us that came later.  "Unclean" came first in Exodus and in Leviticus it is the word used to identify shame.  Since this all happened before we  were born it also explains why shame doesn't necessarily have a specific starting point in our lives.  We are connected to Adam and Eve and therefore we feel shame, and often continue to repeat shameful acts ourselves.

Welch believes it is very necessary to begin at the fall of Adam and Eve to truly know the truth about shame. He describes it as taking a walk, knowing that we feel shame because we are linked to a shameful family line in Adam and Eve, we can't escape it and we also have to recognize that we are not different from Adam, repeating his actions every day.  Therefore he encourages us to stay on the walk of watching our family history unfold but also watch ourselves.

Shame says we are unpresentable.  We often feel the shame before other people but are blind to the fact that shame is also, and primarily, before God.  (p. 48)  Welch continues to encourage us not to turn away in panic as we learn that just as Adam and Eve brought shame on themselves so do we.  If we really want to know cleansing and acceptance we have to be able to distinguish between the shame that we bring on ourselves because of what we do, and the shame that comes from other people's actions to us.  Identifying the shame because of our own actions is not easy or painless but it is necessary and relieving as it comes out into the open. Owning what we do wrong, and receiving God's forgiveness is often easier than when the shame is attached to us because of sins done against us.

When shame is made public, we begin to blame, Gen 3:11-13.  Shame is disorienting, Welch tells us, often blaming ourselves when we shouldn't, and blaming others when we should be looking at ourselves.  Satan wants us to believe bad things happen because we have been bad, but if we look at Jesus and the early disciples, we see bad things happen to them when they were not bad people.  The Bible also shows us that if we are sinned against, it's not our fault (Dt 24:16, Ezek 18:18-23).  Welch promises to talk more about this later.

On the other hand, when Adam and Eve fell, they blamed others when they should have been taking responsibility for their own choice.  Welch explains that when we feel relentless condemnation and don't know where to go for forgiveness and cleansing, we look for a way to prove our innocence (p. 53).

Welch goes on very adamantly, "Whether blame leads you to take the blame for everything or shift the blame for everything, you will experience hopelessness.  The only way out of this quagmire is to put things where they really belong.  Own what is yours and only what is yours.  It sounds easy, but if you have been living with shame, this one might be too advanced for your skill set, at least for now." (p. 53)

Since shame seems to be part of our fallen nature, Welch encourages us by explaining that God recognized this struggle at the very beginning, that our shame problem is important to God and He will DO something about it.

Which extreme do you lean toward: "It's all my fault," or "It's all the other person's fault"?  How does the connection between shame and our associations hit you?