God opposes the proud but give grace to the humble. James 4:6
When you need to show others their faults, do not talk down to them as though you are faultless and they are inferior to you. Instead, talk with them as though you are standing side by side at the foot of the cross. Acknowledge your present, ongoing need for the Savior. Admit ways that you have wrestled with the same or other sins or weaknesses, and give hope by describing how God has forgiven you and is currently working in you to help you change... When people see this kind of humility and common bond, they will be less inclined to react to correction with pride and defensiveness.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 172
Food for Thought
Count the words you and your in the paragraph above.
How many did you count? Nine? If there had been one or two uses of the words you and your, it probably wouldn't have drawn any attention. But nine? That's enough where we need to stop, look, and listen. Ken is wisely sharing a beneficial approach to use when we need to show others their faults: talk about your own.
From our peers in the office to aging parents to the children at play in the backyard, nobody likes to be talked down to--nobody! Talking down usually invites a defensiveness that's hard to overcome. Side by side talking, however, lays a common ground that you and the other person can stand on. Interestingly enough, the root word for humility is humus, from which we get our word for ground. Being grounded, or humble, in our approach to these situations provides protection from the lightning bolts of pride and defensiveness.
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